Topics for today: camera anxiety, self image, strategies


Quote: “In a society that says, ‘Put yourself last,’ self-love and self-acceptance are revolutionary.” - Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

*Brene Brown, if you aren't familiar, is absolutely revolutionary as a writer, researcher, and as a human. This is a link to one of her Ted Talks if you are at all interested in hearing more about what she has to say. As far as really getting into the weeds of what it is to be a human and grappling with topics like self worth, insecurity, and just existing, Dr. Brown does it as well as anyone I have ever seen. Her research and writings provide an astute platform that is shaped by her own humanity and willingness to be raw. Long story story she is brilliant and I highly recommend any of her work, it's what has shaped many of the views that you'll find below.


I was recently on the other side of a camera for the first time in probably 3 years (that’s crazy to actually say) and I have to be honest, I had forgotten what it felt like to sit and have some one actually take my picture. The thoughts that are always there for me were naturally present. Hyper-fixations on random parts of my body (“Where do my arms go?!”), the thought that I should have made different outfit choice, that I should have gotten a haircut 2 and a half weeks ago…. all of the typical things. But I had forgotten the feeling of dread! The pit in my stomach that formed way before the camera actually came out and before I was forcing myself to sit and smile was heavy!


Thankfully for me, the friends who I was with (fellow photographers and chronic over thinkers themselves) were incredible and helped to ease my anxieties and delivered amazing photos that I absolutely LOVE. That experience though, was a big reminder about what I ask my clients to do every time I shoot. Every insecurity I have was, in that moment, magnified and brought right to the front of my brain. And I know… those insecurities and negative thoughts surrounding my self image were put there a long time ago with no basis in reality, but that doesn’t change the way they made me feel in the moment. I was terrified. And the anxiety from having to see myself almost kept me from being able to enjoy what ended up being amazing photos. 


This will be an on going topic, but I wanted to quickly jot down some strategies that can be implemented in moments like this when a giant camera lens is in your face and you can’t help but go down the habit hole of “WHAT IF IT SEES ME” (an actually thought that goes through me head on a regular basis… how dare I be perceived!)


Breathe

The habit hole that I was taking myself down, yea that’s not real. The feelings are valid, but like anything that leads to spiraling (in any form but especially about self image), there is no basis in reality to it. Breathing is the most immediate thing that I have control of that can bring me out of my head and back into the moment.


Love

This one, this one is tricky. When I am being asked to look at a reflection of myself, it is way too natural to look at the bad and then to REALLY look at the bad. As hard as it is to totally flip that on its head, flooding your narrative with unrelenting love is something that is hard to beat. This is something that takes practice and lots of time… unlearning my harmful thought patterns is something that I very clearly am still in the middle of. But the more it is practiced, the closer to reality you will get. 


Communicate

This one is hard as well, but talking with my friends about how I was feeling, insecurities and all, was crucial. It was definitely easier to open up to them given that we knew each other, but in any photoshoot, I would say communicating with your photographer can go a long way in a number of areas. For one, photographers GET it. We are around these situations day after day and it is ALWAYS top priority to make sure that you are comfortable and feeling supported. Secondly, saying it out loud is powerful for healing and acknowledging that the way you are feeling is NOTHING to be ashamed of.



This will be an ongoing post, but I am going to leave this here for now. I hope this was helpful if you are someone who also deals with photo-anxiety… It’s tough but being able to find ways to lessen the stress will help you get to truly enjoying the memories that are being captured. You freaking deserve it.


Be safe our there, I’ll talk to ya soon.

-T :)